Regrets

Regrets. We all have them. Some are bigger. Some are smaller. Sometimes, in the moment, we know we will have regret. Other times, we will not know there will be regret until it’s too late. Just like Coach Herm Edwards says, “Don’t press send!” That is really a metaphor for life. We all have choices every single day we are fortunate enough to wake up – It is up to us to make the best decision we can in order to have no regrets.

I know I have had numerous regrets throughout my life. Struggling through college for 10.5 years and both my parents having passed away by the time I was 31 years old have basically defined me, thus far. I do not want them to define me anymore. I want to share my experiences and let people who are going through similar situations know they are not alone. Shit is going to happen. I have learned that no matter what, it is just a part of life. It is how we respond to what happens to us that will make the difference.

I am fortunate that I have been very close with my maternal grandparents throughout my life. One of my biggest regrets is not getting through school in time for my grandfather, Jake, to see me become a College Graduate! I know he was there in spirit, but a regret was not  being able to share that moment with him. Earlier in the night that he passed away, he was not able to communicate anymore. I made him a promise that I would graduate college, and then he made a noise. That is a moment I will never forget for the rest of my life.

I have two main regrets pertaining to my dad passing away. I wish I had gotten a photo of us while he was in the hospital for the two months before he died. I got one of just him, but in retrospect, I wish I could see a photo of the two of us together.

For about the last year or so my dad was alive, he really wanted me to start working on my weight and getting healthier. And all I did was get bigger and bigger. How come four months after he died, I started working out and eating healthier? It does not make any sense to me. It is something my mind can’t fucking fathom (alliteration), whatsoever. What I would do now for him to see that I have lost close to 40 pounds…

I want to leave you with this to ponder – What are you doing today to get better, so you will not have any regrets, no matter how big or small you might think they are?!

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My Sister – Melissa

In my first post, I gave a short synopsis of a few things that have happened in my life about my parents. I would be remiss if I did not take some time to speak on one of the most important people in my life since Day 1. My sister – Melissa! I would like to think we are very close. I guess you would have to ask her if the feeling is mutual.

When I was younger, I always remember hearing family say all you have is each other. As a dumbass kid, I am sure I just rolled my eyes… Though, my eyes have always gone to the side, for some reason! Anyway, we have been through so much in such a short amount of time. With her being older and just a badass, in general, I have always looked up to her (until I finally got a lil taller – Thanks puberty)!

When our mom passed away, I really leaned on her! She came through in the clutch way too many times to even try to count. I was 12 years old, but she was just 16 years old. I was in 7th Grade, and she was a junior in high school. She did well in school, was in Musical Theatre, had to crew others shows, and had two jobs. Oh… And paid (and went to as many games as her schedule would allow) for my fat ass to play (or at least attempt to “run” up and down the court) recreational basketball in the Brookwood Basketball Association. These are all things I will never forget.

When my dad sent me to live with my aunt (our mom’s sister) in Ormond Beach, Florida, toward the end of 7th Grade, because I was “interrupting” his dating life a few months after my mom had passed away, Melissa and I had gotten as close as we had ever been. It was one of the worst feelings being sent out of my home at that age when I needed a male figure the most, but I was able to speak with Melissa on a pretty regular basis.

My junior and most of my senior year at Brookwood were great, because Melissa came back to the Atlanta Area to go to Mortuary School. She was doing something she was passionate about, and we lived within 40 minutes of one another! We called each other numerous times to meet up for supper, and it was a lot of fun!

As I stated in my previous post, it took me 10.5 years to get through my Bachelor’s Degree. Melissa was always positive, even when I thought there was no way I would ever get it accomplished. That has always meant the world to me.

In January 2011, she found out she had an eye cancer called Ocular Melanoma. It was yet one more time she had been knocked down. She has never sat there and felt sorry for herself. She has been working very diligently every single day to beat the shit out of this cancer. Her perseverance and determination are absolutely amazing!

When I grow up, if I am half the human being that Melissa is, then I would be on the right track! I am glad she is my sister, but I am even happier that she is one of my best friends!

I love you very much, Melissa!

My Parents

My name is Scott Greenhut. If you know me, then you most likely know my story by now. If not, then I will be happy to give a short synopsis, so you can understand where I am coming from with this blog. First off, I do not try to act like an expert at anything. I just speak (or type) from my own experiences. I want to help anyone I can who has been through similar experiences.

Let’s begin with my mom finding out she had breast cancer. I will never forget that day in August of 1990. I was four years old, almost five. Obviously, I did not fully understand what was going on, but I remember knowing something was not quite right (I will speak more in-depth at a later time). Fast forward to July of 1998 – After her one month shy of eight-year brave battle with breast, liver, and brain cancer, she passed away. I was just 12 years old.

An Interesting Fact – It took me 10.5 years to complete my Bachelor’s Degree. Most people are called a Doctor by being in higher education for that long. I just call myself persistent as hell, and someone who never gave up. In June of 2010, a little more than halfway through my collegiate journey, I was fortunate enough to go on Birthright. It was a free ten-day trip to Israel. It was a great experience and a once in a lifetime opportunity. I will be forever grateful for being able to go on that trip.

A week after I got home from Israel, my dad finally let me call an ambulance to get him to the hospital. At that time, we found out that both his kidney’s were functioning at 2%. He started Dialysis that week and would go three days per week for a month over seven years before he passed away in August of 2017.

It had not always been candy canes and lollipops, as they say, with me and my dad, but at the end of the day, I do not know where I would be without him for all these years. A lot of times, in the moment, we may ask why, and do not see the value of something. I really do believe everything happens for a reason, and you will eventually learn from every experience you go through in life.

Throughout my life, I have always felt sorry for myself, and quite frankly, consciously and at times, subconsciously, wanted everyone to do the same for me. It even happened right after my dad passed away. I did not know any different. And then, this past December, a light bulb went off, and I said FUCK THAT!!!!! I chose to do me, and lose some weight. If I had not done that, I was going to have more health problems my dad  and others kept telling me I would if I stayed on that same path I was going down. I was close to 270 at 5’6″! Basically, I was a fat ass wide load, and I said NO MORE! Since then, I have lost close to 40 pounds and counting! I will never look back! If I am your inspiration to lose weight or do something else positive for yourself, as a backhanded “compliment” so be it. Life is too short. Let’s make a positive impact on the people around us we care most about, and the people we have yet to meet that will be in our lives in the future.

With this blog, I want to be able to share my experiences, and have open dialogue with anyone that comes to this safe space. We all have something to offer. I look forward to us going on this journey with one another!

I miss you, and love you very much mommy and daddy!

Harriet Greenhut (March 30, 1954 – July 7, 1998)

Gordon Greenhut (April 3, 1955 – August 10, 2017)