It has been nine months since my dad passed away. At times, it feels just like yesterday. And sometimes, it feels like it was nine months ago. He had been in the hospital his last two months and hospice his last six days. I was fortunate to be able to be with him throughout this journey but was not in his hospice room when he took his last breath. A little after 7pm on Thursday, August 10th, I got the phone call from hospice that my dad was “transitioning.” I left the house right away. When I got there, he had already passed away.
As I was driving there, it was very surreal. I could not believe I was going to see my dad for the last time. The first two nights he was in hospice were the previous Friday and Saturday nights. He was still giving law advice to hospice employees. The human body is an amazing thing – positive and negative. I have said it before, and I will say it again – When I walked into his hospice room seeing his lifeless body on his deathbed, I was numb. And nine months later, it feels the exact same. There is this empty void. 19 years, one month, and three days earlier, my mom had passed away. At that time, I was 12 years old. All the feelings were coming back from her death.
Once I walked into his room, I was 31 years old and parentless. I called my sister bawling. As I was going through all these emotions, I was thinking about what really matters in life. Not to sound too morbid, but the sad truth is we will all end up lifeless on our deathbed one day. Was my dad perfect? Absolutely not! Did he try the best he could? I really think he did the best he knew how. Something that I really admired about my dad was that he found his passion early on in life and did whatever it took to be the best attorney he could be. He enjoyed the law and helping people who could not help themselves. Lesson to be learned here – You may not want to be a lawyer, per se, but find what you are passionate about and go after it. You only get one life. Do not have any regrets when you are on your deathbed a long time from now.
The last nine months have been up and down – I am not just saying the words about trying to find your passion. I am trying to live these words every day. For the last five months, I have taken my health very seriously. I am happy to say I have lost a little over 50 pounds since Monday, December 11th. As of today, I have been on my Elliptical for 151 days in a row. No day is probably as great as it seems, and no day is probably as bad as it seems, either.
We need to put everything in perspective. Being without my dad has been quite an adjustment. I never thought I would be ready to be on my own. Not even realizing it, taking care of things for my dad his last two months really helped me get used to doing more for myself. No matter the situation, you can always find a life lesson somewhere in there. It may not be today or tomorrow, but once you can step away from it, you can reflect and learn something.
I still need to work on not dwelling on things that have happened. Once they happen, you cannot change the outcome now matter how much you really want to. Learn from everything you go through and move forward. With a death, it is easier said than done. I am still a work in progress for sure, but I want to be the best I can be. I want to help other young adults who have lost their parent(s). I will not rest until I am able to do that. That is my passion in life. If I am going to give that advice to the masses, it is only fair that I take the advice myself. Now, let’s go make the world a better place!